Wednesday, December 30, 2009
What is A tuna beigel
Here is some information I got from yeshivaguy.com on what is a tuna beigel and how to spot them
Before you begin the Yeshiva Guy course in Beigel Busting, you must first learn what a Beigel is. A Tuna Beigel, or Beigel for short, is a colloquial term for a (former) member of the Ultra-Orthodox Chasidic sect. Typically, slightly clueless about the outside world due to their insulated upbringing. Technically, they may still consider themselves Chassidim, but…
The term is believed to have originated as an insult to the Yiddish inflected Chasidic pronunciation of Bagel (Beigel).
A derogatory diminutive synonymous with Tuna Beigel might be Yoeli.
Beigel busting (i.e., making fun of) is a favorite pastime of non-Beigel members of the Orthodox world. Particularly, of course, the Yeshiva world. So, without further ado, allow me to present my list of identifying marks of a Beigel. Use these to spot them…often, Beigel watching is most rewarding in secular areas near a major Chasidic section. Manhattan, near Boro Park, and other such places. Also note that is may be hazardous to your health to call a Beigel the said endearing epithet to his face; they do not appreciate it. Finally, if you have anything to contribute, either in the nature of another identifying attribute, or a correction, please feel free to get in touch.
- He has a bluetooth earphone (ah blutoot) on both of his ears.
- His centrifugal gravity is off balance…the right portion of his belt has one extra walkie talkie than the left. Both sides, of course, have the requisite cell phone and beeper combo with a knockoff PRADA leather case.
- Is a regular at the Thursday night meeeettings at Deli 52.
- Owns two or more shiny blue Hatzolah windbreakers.
- Can rattle off more acronym based social and emergency services than his entire English vocabulary. (e.g. PD, FD, ESU)
- Enjoys engaging in knowledgeable debates involving the intricacies of the BP PDs hierarchy.
- Has a scanner…and a backup battery powered portable trunk scanner, just in case the power blows.
- Shoots up to AC every now and then, not to gamble per se, but just because.
- Is addicted to 24, and would give away his GMC Yukon to shake Jack Bauers hand.
- If push came to shove, and he could only own one vehicle in his lifetime, it’d be an XLSX Chevy Suburban. Black, tinted windows, no chrome.
- Still maintains a close connection with the Rebbe, and has the receipts to prove it.
- Has gekreizelte peios…somewhere. Oh, there they are. Hiding behind his ears.
- Has met or knows someone related to a member of the Beach Boyz. And if you don’t know what that is, don’t ask. And no, it isn’t a rock group.
- Subscribes to Car and Driver. Not that he knows what its talking about…
- Still doesn’t speak an English without multiple grammar/usage/pronunciation errors. He is real hart trying, d’ho.
- Has an account at the local glasses shop. New styles emerge every six months or so, you know.
- Hates Lipa with a passion. He’s into the real stuff…
- Staunch believer in the second coming…of another Shomer Shabbos on 18th avenue. One day.
- Has at least three close friends with the mythical revolving seforim shrank-turned-home theater setup.
- Checks VIN 9 times daily. Alternatively, uses UPOC group SMS or other outdated form of real-time information updating.
- Is on a first name basis with the night clerk at Blockbuster on 18th avenue.
- Fervently hopes that one day he’ll have the guts to do what Gitty did.
- Feels a need to constantly exhibit his distaste for his unenlightened brethren by perpetually exhibiting freshly washed and waxed peios. No way ‘dis bagel is going around unshowered.
- Believes that all Litvaks are misnagdim. The war is over, buddy.
- Left Cafe Shalva when they renovated. Its way too clean now.
- Is too cool to have an opinion on 48/45th. Just doesn’t care.
- Once saw someone get stabbed in the ‘hood. And he hasn’t stopped talking about it since.
- Insists on wearing unfashionably stylish shoes. Either Aladdin-type-tips, or bowling shoe style. Either way, he’d rather be caught dead before purchasing standard Rockport/Florsheims.
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